


Underneath it's all the Same Love (about time that we raised up)

by cheshirepathways



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Louis is another relationship for like 3 seconds if you blink long enough, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, but there isn't a bunch of literature, conversion therapy, harry's dad is a bit of a dick, oh there will be some law stuff but not a lot, they also meet in a literature class
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-16 02:00:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16944846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheshirepathways/pseuds/cheshirepathways
Summary: Harry’s smile faltered a bit. In the past two years since meeting Louis, he had never pictured being asked out on a date to go like this. He had pictured it several times, but in his imagination, he had always thought he would be in a position to say yes.“That’s what we’re about to do, isn’t it?” Harry hoped that by dismissing the idea would get Louis to forget about it.But Harry underestimated the smaller boy’s persistence.“Ahh no, I meant just the two of us.”“Oh, I’m n-” Harry was at a loss of what to say. He couldn’t say that he wasn’t out without coming out. And coming out to someone is something that he hadn’t done since he was seventeen.***Harry wants to sue his father for sending him to conversion therapy and come out. Louis happens to be the president of the Pride Society and works at the student legal advising.





	1. Term 1, Week 1

Harry walked into his first class of his last year of University. As one of his final electives, he'd decided to do a course on early twentieth century literature, mainly because The Great Gatsby was one of his favourite books (and Leo in the movie was just a bonus!). He sat 3 rows back in the centre of the row and got comfortable. It’s a first-year course so there are a lot of freshman who were getting out notebooks, but he just sits and relaxes, knowing it will be a syllabus day.

His phone vibrated in his pocket as he gets a text from Niall. _The pit is doing free pints for the societies’ presidents._ He replied asking for the Facebook event and Niall is immediate in inviting him on the app. 

He started scrolling through the page for the info when someone says, “You going tonight?” He looked up and saw Louis Tomlinson. 

“Hey!” He moved his backpack over so Louis can sit in the chair next to him. “Niall just invited me, haven’t decided yet. Free pints are slowly winning me over though.” 

“Free pints are always a winner. With great responsibility comes great power and all that good stuff.” Louis had been the president of the Pride Society last year and was probably continuing his reign this year as well. 

Harry chuckled. “I’m not sure it quite goes like that. Are you sure you’re supposed to be in a lit class?” Last time he checked Louis was doing a law degree. 

“I needed an extra module and figured why not do this? Plus, I’ll be able to buddy up with president of the Literature Society, won’t I?” They both laughed a little and Louis ploughed on, “Which tutorial are you in for this class?” Harry pulled out his phone and goes onto the school’s website to check. 

“I have next Thursday from 2-4.” He went to put his phone away when a text from his dad came through. 

 _Have a good first day of school. Praying for you, hope you are able to remain away from temptation._ Harry’s father also attached a link for a prayer that he was not about to open beside Louis. If only his father new he was sitting next to a gorgeous boy that was the epitome of pride. 

Louis replied, “Ooh I think I might be in that one with you, lad. Thank God I won’t be in a room alone with the freshmen.” A couple disgruntled teenagers turn and look at them, but Louis just kept talking. “Have you had this prof before? I didn’t really think, I was just hoping we could watch the Gatsby movie.”

“Yeah, I had her last year. She wasn’t anything spectacular, but she was an easy marker which was nice.” She chose to come in at that moment. 

“She’s not very tall, is she?” Louis said. Harry thought back to Liam making comments about Louis’ height and attempted to make one.

“I’m sure she’s not that much shorter than you, Lou.” Harry hoped adding the nickname makes it better.

“Oi, got a bit of cheek in you.” Harry also hoped Louis missed his blush when the professor starts speaking and everyone turned to look at her at the front of the room.

 

The lecture finished, and Harry and Louis collected their stuff and walked out the lecture theatre together. “Where are you going next?” Louis asked.

“To the student union building to find out the classroom we’ve got for LitSo and then probably back to the flat. What about you?”

“I’ve got a tort law lecture with my name on it. But I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

“Not certain I’m going yet!” Harry called after him as he started moving away.

“Free pints, Harold!” Harry laughed and walked in the opposite direction.

 

That night, Harry changed out of his printed shirt and black skinny jeans into some blue jeans and sweater. Niall walked in as he was putting on some deodorant.

“What happened to the fun shirt?”

He couldn’t tell Niall that there were going to be pictures and he didn’t want his father to see him wearing the 'fun shirt' in them, so instead settled for: “Don’t want to make a bad impression. Besides, it’s just pints.”

Niall accepted that response pretty fast and they headed out the door and walked down the street to the Pit Pub. Their flat this year was in a really good location, so they could walk to a lot of the places they usually went to. Last year they had to take a bus and it made for long days.

When they got to the pub, a lot of booths were already full. They walked up to bar and Harry flashed his LitSo presidency identification and Niall his NoteSo (the Music Society) presidency. 

“So, did you just step up for presidency for the free pints, Niall?”

They turned around and there is Louis. “Tommo! How are you, lad?”

“Doing good, doing good! And you?”

Niall turned around with a pint in his hand and slings his arm over Louis’ shoulder. Harry followed behind as they walked over to a booth. Harry zoned back into the conversation when Louis started animatedly talking about the people in the flat across from him. “-and then the fucker just started banging the door back ‘n forth.” Niall started cackling loudly so Harry cracked a smile to make it seem like he was also listening.

Liam eventually joined them, after Louis yelled “Payno!” all across the pub. And after a couple of hours, their table was surrounded by VPs and other executive members of the various societies they were all apart of. When someone made rounds with a camera, Harry felt both relief and sadness at his decision to change.

At the end of the night, Harry, Niall, Liam and Louis walked outside the pub to do their pilgrimage to Patty’s Pizzeria. Niall and Liam walked ahead of Louis and Harry, so they could have their own conversation. It was probably something Harry wouldn’t be interested in, like football. He much preferred looking at their uniforms than their footwork, but of course, his friends wouldn’t – couldn’t – know that.

“We should partner up for that one group project,” Harry said. He couldn’t help but notice their elbows knocking every so often since they both had their hand shoved into their pockets.

“Sure, we’ll have to blow all those first years away with our upper level skills.” Harry laughed harder than he should have. Oh well, he blamed it on the alcohol.

They kept making small talk as they approached the pizzeria. They turned around the last corner and Harry found himself with a constant smile on his face. After a lull in the conversation, Louis spoke up. “Hey, do you wanna grab a bite to eat?”

Harry’s smile faltered a bit. In the past two years since meeting Louis, he had never pictured being asked out on a date to go like this. He had pictured it several times, but in his imagination, he had always thought he would be in a position to say yes.

“That’s what we’re about to do, isn’t it?” Harry hoped that by dismissing the idea would get Louis to forget about it.

But Harry underestimated the smaller boy’s persistence.

“Ahh no, I meant just the two of us.”

“Oh, I’m n-” Harry was at a loss of what to say. He couldn’t say that he wasn’t out without coming out. And coming out to someone is something that he hadn’t done since he was seventeen.

Louis, ever the quick reliever of tension, said, “No worries, lad. I’ll still grab your number though for the project.”

It seemed like Harry would be spending a lot of time with Louis this year.


	2. Term 1, Week 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter features vegetarian harry because i love that he's a veggie irl & i get to share some of my favourite recipes! 
> 
> so the first chapter was kinda short. this one is still shorter than what i picture but niall and harry get like 400 words for their fajitas so its fine

Harry spent his entire weekend reading the works for all of his literature modules. Come Thursday, he was ready for his first tutorial for his early twentieth century literature course. He was already on campus working in the library on his dissertation, so he arrived at the tutorial office about fifteen minutes early. He pulled out the book that they would be discussing and began to reread through his notes.

“Harold!” Harry looked up from his book and saw Louis walking towards him.

“That’s not my name, you know?”

“Of course, it is! Now, are you ready to kick some first-year butt in this tutorial?”

Harry laughed. “I don’t really think that’s how these things work, you know.” A girl rounded the corner and looked at the office door.

“Are you here for the Lit130 tutorial?”

“Yes love, we are. Now Harold-”

“Not my name!”

“When do you want to meet for the project. I have something for my family law class due that same week so the sooner we get this done, the better.”

“Yeah, of course. Um, this weekend would probably be good because I’ll be coming onto campus to have a meeting about my dissertation.” Harry did in fact have a meeting, but it wasn’t about his dissertation.

“Ok, let’s see. I think I have an exec meeting for Pride on Saturday if you’re around then?”

“My meeting is on Sunday. We could always do something off campus though, it shouldn’t take longer than an hour.”

“Your dissertation meeting will only take an hour? Mine took like three when I met with my tutor last week.” Harry looked like a deer caught in headlights. It wasn’t a dissertation meeting he was going to, but he couldn’t tell Louis where he was going. Even Niall thought he met up with his cousin every two weeks, and he’d consider the Irish lad his best friend.

Harry fish-mouthed a couple times trying to figure out what to say next but was saved by Louis. “Once we get in there, I’ll check what time my meeting is on Saturday because I have a feeling that it finishes at one, so we could meet at the Costa on the high street at like half-one?”

Harry nodded along to what Louis was saying. Harry evaluated what was happening that weekend before saying, “Sure, Saturday works!” Two people walk down the hallway and stop outside the door for their tutorial. Harry glaced at his watch and saw that there was still a couple minutes until the hour turned.

“So, what is your dissertation about?” Louis asked.

Harry’s dissertation topic had been a rollercoaster this past summer. In his original application, he filled it on about LGBTQ+ undertones in nineteenth century literature, hoping that examining works like _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ and various works my Edgar Allen Poe would throw his father off the scent of his real topic. There was nothing like a bit of heterosexual hard-boiled detective fiction (not). But the form had become misplaced when he was home for Easter which led to another conversation with his father.

“It’s about sexism in nineteenth century literature. And you?”

“Ooh, that sounds interesting. Too bad it’s not twentieth century because then this class would be a breeze.” They both chuckled at that. “And mine is on, um, the progression of LGBT rights and what legislation is necessary to ensure equal rights.”

Harry had a lot of thoughts he kept to himself about LGBT rights and legislation, but kept them to himself, and said, “That sounds like a lot.”

Louis sighed, saying, “It is, it is, but we all have to do it.”

“Unfortunately,” Harry muttered under his breath. Louis lets out a snort and then an older student turned the corner. He was definitely well into his twenties and carried a brief case. Harry was trying to determine whether or not the grad student was using it for fashion or function, but by the wear and tear of the corners, he determined it was function.

“Sorry I’m late guys. They switched the office on me three times, but I didn’t know about the last switch. I just walked into some calculus tutorial and told them that the office was booked.” Harry and Louis laughed, but the four first years looked warily around, like they couldn’t believe this was what university is like (read: no one actually knows what they are doing).

The tutor pulled out a key chain from his back pocket and unlocked the door. They followed the guy in and the other students began sitting in the rows.

“Do you want us to make a circle?” Harry asked, knowing that is how a lot of his tutors liked starting off.

“Sure, good idea!” As the six of them pulled their desks, Harry made sure that him and Louis were in a position where if they had to partner up, it would be natural to partner with each other. The desks and chairs were screeching against the ground, and the tutor began talking over.

“Alright, so I’m Jeremy Jenson, you can call me J.J., Jere Bear, or just Jeremy. Once we’re sorter we’ll do introductions and then go over what we expect from you over the next 8 weeks.”

Harry folded himself into the desk – over the past two years, he had perfected the art of folding his legs underneath the low desks and the always-too-short chairs. As he was reaching down to grab his notebook, Harry realized that Jeremy must have asked the kid to his right to introduce herself.

Her name was Kate, she used her/she pronouns, and was doing a history major. They went around like that; in their small group there was Kate, Anthony, Andréa, Tyrone, Louis, and Harry.

When it was Louis’ turn, Harry payed more attention. Over the past two years, Harry had taken every opportunity he was presented with to admire Louis. The moments had been few and far between, often their paths crossing once, maybe twice a semester, but now that they were in the same literature class, Harry hoped that he would get more chances.

“Hi, my name is Louis. I use him/his pronouns. I’m from Doncaster, um, I’m a third-year law student, and I’m writing my dissertation about LGBT legislation. Also, I’m the president of PrideSo, the Pride society, so if you have any questions about the pronouns or anything, you can ask away. And yeah, that’s me.”

“And why are you taking this course?”

“Well I needed an extra module, and Gatsby is one of the greats.”

“Thanks, and lastly…” Jeremy said, trailing off, allowing Harry to fill in the space.

“Hi, I’m Harry. I’m also in my third year. I am taking an English Literature degree, and my dissertation is on sexism in the nineteenth century. I’m focusing a lot on detective fiction like Jekyll and Hyde, Poe, maybe some Sherlock.”

Jeremy piped in, “As a bonus in this class, we might get some Sherlock because obviously there was the final story, and then Conan-Doyle came back because people were so upset.” The tutor paused, looking around to gage everyone’s reaction and then motioned for Harry to continue.

“Um, I’m also president of LitSo, which is the literature society. So if you have questions about that, or a literature degree, I’m your lad. And then I’m taking this course because I had professor Smith last year and really enjoyed her lecture style and had the space in my course load to take it.”

“Very good,” Jeremy closed. “We’ll make an email group chat, and last year we had a group google doc which worked quite well for that dynamic, so you will all be able to get in touch with each other.” He clapped his hands and then looked down at his papers. “Now, we’ll discuss the term project quickly, and then move on to review the lecture material and discuss this weeks reading.”

He passed around an assignment sheet to everyone. “Have any of you started, or should I assign partners?”

Harry looked to Louis, hoping he would get the message and speak up for him. Thankfully, he got the message and said, “Harry and I have already begun to talk.”

Harry nodded when Jeremy looked to him for confirmation. “Yeah, we wanted to get a head start on it because of everything else that is going on with third year.”

“Fair enough. How about you guys talk us through some of your ideas so far.”

Louis’ head practically snapped when he looked toward Harry, and Harry looked like he wanted to ground to swallow him up whole. Harry eventually got his act together and flipped to his notebook.

“So, we talked a lot about LGBT themes and sexism, mainly because that is the areas that we are most familiar in. And on those, we could talk about gender roles, and how those were evolving because of the war changing the nuclear family dynamic. And obviously, with the big divide in men being away together, and women being left at home, certainly left some space for same-sex discussion.” Louis nodded along, hoping that his brief CV in drama made him appear as though he knew exactly what Harry was talking about.

Harry continued, “But then we thought about how we could examine the change in masculinity in pre and post war literature. Obviously, there is the shift from this hard-boiled masculinity, to the war hero, and then the shift to the shell of a man who returned from war.”

Harry looked down at his notebook to make sure that he hadn’t missed anything, and then looked. Louis looked just about as stunned as the first years. Harry smiled at the smaller lad and looked back to Jeremy.

“Alright, so it seems like you have a grip on your project. Let’s discuss what the rest of you could potentially cover.”

 

After the tutorial ended, Harry and Louis parted ways. Harry went home and began finishing some of his reading for his classes and then planned out some more of his dissertation. He had two essays due the following week, and one chapter of his dissertation was due the week following. He knew he had to be on top of things, as he had his appointment on Sunday, which would take about two hours out of his day.

As Harry was chopping his vegetables for his fajitas, Niall came home.

“Have you made enough for me?” he asked.

“I can do, but I’m going back to vegetarian now that I’m not seeing my dad for a while.”

While Niall didn’t know the full story when it came to Harry and his father, he knew that there relationship was tense, and that Des had strong opinions about Harry not eating meat. Niall didn’t fully comprehend because as far as he knew, Harry’s sister, Gemma, did not get much grief about being vegetarian, but maybe he just didn’t hear about it.

“That’s fine. Wait, it’s not tofu is it?” Harry laughed. Niall doesn’t trust tofu after he mixed it up with his chicken, but if you asked Harry, it was because Niall didn’t season his meat.

“Nah, it’s portabella mushrooms.”

“Well don’t you sound posh. But that does sound good. When is it done?”

“Maybe in twenty. Do you want guac with it?”

“Um, are you making it already?”

“I do have an avocado, but I don’t quite think it’s ready.”

“Just save it for your hipster toast in the morning. I bought sour cream the other day when I had a craving for nachos after you had gone to bed, so that’ll do.”

“Alright matey, I’ll yell for you when its done.”

Niall left for his room, and Harry continued chopping the mushrooms, bell peppers (orange and red), and onion. He was watching a video about organizing his dissertation notebook as he began cooking. Harry heard Niall turn on the shower, and he began cutting up some lettuce and grating some cheese for the Irish lad.

Once the veg was finished cooking, he turned the hob on low and scrolled down the article he was reading while he waited for Niall. The blonde boy was quick to come to the kitchen after his shower, and they both began loading their plates.

Since their first year at Leeds, the pair had been almost inseparable. They were in the same student accommodation with an international student who they saw maybe three times the whole semester, and Peter, a boy who dropped out at the end of October and was never replaced. It had become tradition for them to eat dinner with each other every night and catch them up on their lives.

On this particular Thursday, Niall told Harry about his theory class and Harry told Niall about his improv in the tutorial. Niall gave him a high-five because he knows that Harry can sometimes get caught off guard and fumble. Their conversation moved onto upcoming weekend plans, and Harry told him about his meeting with his cousin.

“Will I get to meet her this year?”

“Maybe, if the times finally work out. You’re usually too hungover though.”

Niall cackled. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll try my hardest. Maybe we could have her over here for lunch.” Harry let Niall come up with plans for their lunch with his imaginary cousin. Well his cousin wasn’t imaginary, but his bi-monthly meetings with her were. He grabbed both of their plates and popped them in the dishwasher.

“Do you want to come with me for a run in the morning?” Harry asked.

“No mate, you can do that by yourself.”

“One day this year, I will get you to –”

“Only if I am on my death bed,” Niall interrupted. “You know I only run for a pint and for me Mam.”

Harry laughed. “Alright, alright. Well I’m going to go to bed.”

“Ok, see you in the morning.”

“G’night,” Harry said.

 

Friday passed in a blur. There was the usual routine of Niall trying to get Harry to go out, but Harry remained adamant about staying in. It was rather pathetic, but Friday nights were his wanking night because he could watch all the gay porn he wanted, without worrying about Niall returning home.

Besides, if he was going to go for a run and be ready to meet up with Louis at one, he needed his beauty sleep.

At 10PM, right on schedule, Niall gave up his fight and left to meet up with some of his music friends, and Harry got settled into his bed with a bottle of lube and his right hand.

 

Harry woke up Saturday morning to rain, but he still got dressed and ready for his run. His father had gifted him with a nice raincoat made for running in, after he realized that Harry’s talents were not in a sport which required coordination, such as soccer. Harry couldn’t help but think that Des was ok to Harry’s aversion to team sports after his revelation before his final year of A-levels.

After his run, he went through his routine of getting ready, lunch, and getting some work done before leaving to meet Louis. He decided to catch the bus since it was still raining, and it also meant that he could leave a few minutes later.

The bus ride to the Costa was short, and once he got there, he saw Louis nursing a cup of tea with his notebook out in front of him. Harry walked over to the table and pulled the chair out, slightly wincing at the scraping sound as the chair moved against the floor.

“Hey Harry, how are you, mate?”

“Good, good. How are you? Did you’re meeting go well?”

“Yeah, doing good! Meeting went well. I managed to convince Liam to join the exec team this year as the external coordinator, so it will be less to do.”

“You’re not going to make poor Liam do _all_ the work are you?”

“Oi, shut it Styles. Liam will do anything that I say. I’m the president and he’s not.” Harry wished that the butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t take off because Louis called him Styles. It wasn’t even a nickname.

“More like the dictator,” Harry said, trailing off as he says the last word.

Louis laughed. “Oiiii.” Harry joined in laughing. “Ok do you need a drink? I know you saved our asses on Thursday, which thank God, I did not want to work with a first year, but we still have a lot to do.

“Nah, I don’t need a drink,” Harry looked up at Louis and smiled, “but we’ll see after we evaluate your literature skills.”

A small “heyyy” escaped from Louis and the two boys got to work. For the next three hours, the pair went through two and a half teapots and divided the project into workable parts. It impressed Louis how Harry new all the various resources (like the writing centre for editing papers) and they scheduled in the various meet ups (like office hours – Harry was adamant that going to the professors office hours boosted his grade significantly).

Selfishly, Harry thought, that by adding in all these meet-ups that he could spend as much time as possible with Louis this semester. He hoped that Louis wouldn’t catch on, but Harry noted that Louis was scribbling the timeline into his notebook with no complaints.

Once they finished their meeting, they parted ways, as they each needed to take separate buses. The Costa was almost purposefully halfway between their flats, and Harry couldn’t help but think that if he and Niall had taken up a different flat, they could be bussing back together.

 

Sunday morning, Harry woke up tense. He was confused why he was stressed until he remembered that he had his counselling session this morning. Seeing Theresa was a part of a deal made between Anne and Harry. After Des explained to Harry that he would only pay for his university tuition if he went to a conversion therapy camp, Anne was ready to get a second job immediately.

Harry and his mum had had quite a chat that night. Robin was encouraged to go out the pub with his colleagues, and Gemma stayed in Manchester with some of her girlfriends. Conversion therapy was something that both Anne and Harry had always known about. Being a part of Catholic communities, the idea that conversion camps were successful was always spoken by some of the more traditional folk.

Theresa was the compromise. Anne would allow Harry to go to conversion camp in order for his father to pay for university, but while he was at school, he had to see a counsellor to make sure that he was alright.

The first time he went away, it was right after he finished his A-levels. His mum struggled more with the distance and the lack of communication the hardest, but after the two weeks, he told Des that he was cured asked to go back next year and told his mum that he was still the same Harry.

When he arrived at university, he was hoping to be out, but he quickly realized that in order for his dad to believe that the conversion therapy had worked, he couldn’t risk anything getting out.

It was a great irony; Harry had gone through camp to pay for university, only to get to university and remain in the closet.

Harry showered, with water a little warmer than usual to ground him and left for his 11AM appointment. The first appointment was always the easiest. It had been a routine where Theresa would ask him about his experience at camp that particular year. He would talk her through the exercises they did, and he would tell her how they made her feel. Theresa was always impressed with Harry; he was like an open book. He remained true to himself, and he had it engraved on his heart that he can’t change even if he wanted to.

This time, the session went no different than the rest. Theresa had just finished talking about the positive reinforcement Harry practiced throughout his prayer sessions, when she made note about how there are fifteen minutes left.

She asked, “Do you want to end early or do you want to talk about anything else?”

Before Harry could control his mouth, he blurted, “I got asked on a date.”

Theresa’s face lit up. “How did you react?”

She noted how his face fell. “I wanted to say yes, like, really badly. But I couldn’t because I’m not out. It just makes me frustrated at this whole situation.”

“Well, how could we remedy that.”

“The short answer is to come out. The long answer is, that can’t happen until January. And this boy, is really freaking perfect, so-”

“This doesn’t happen to be the same boy you admitted you had a crush on last year, is it?” Harry nodded.

“Well, if I remember correctly, you guys frequently cross paths because of your friend group.” Harry nodded, confirming Theresa’s information. “Well, if he’s as perfect as you think he is, then he might still be perfect in January. I know that you’ve had a touch two years. You have faced three battles that no one should ever have to face. It is a pretty grim tunnel, and I know that you feel quite hopeless at some points, but don’t forget about all the hope there is about getting out the other end. I know you’re a literature major so pardon the cliché, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you are so, so close.” Theresa gave him a soft smile which Harry returned.

“Thanks, T.”

“No problem, H. I’ll see you in two weeks.”


End file.
